New (old) work and blocks

"Fierce Friendship" 16" x 20" acrylic on canvas 2012

I guess it's pretty obvious that I haven't felt inspired to blog recently. I definitely am the kinda girl that functions that way. If I'm inspired, things happen, if not... well, then not. Which may be a lack of discipline, though I choose to think of it as being in tune and respectful of who I am :)

I've recently been going through what can only be described as painter's block. Which seems to affect all the other areas of my art practice as well. I never thought I would be blocked, as I have a list (a rather long list) of ideas for paintings. But what I have come to realize is that it's not a lack of ideas or inspiration that is the problem, it's a lack of feeling excited or committed to the ideas. A lack of that extra push you need to execute all those ideas. In fact, lately I have felt an oversaturation of inspiration. Truth be told, I freakin' love looking at art! Art magazines, blogs, museums, anything that exposes me to the myriad of fabulous (or not so fabulous, but possibly still interesting) art out there. But sometimes all this imagery (and the inevitable human nature of comparison) can really weigh upon a person. And lately, I feel crushed by my brain's rapidly changing slide show of images.

I can only hope that this is possibly just the gestation period of the rebirth I anticipate happening, which I wrote about in my last post. I'm attempting to practice what I like to call "proactive patience" :) Which sometimes feels a bit conflicting, but basically... I'm not forcing anything, but every day I'm working on moving in a direction (any direction) that will lead to my work continuing and growing.

So I just wanted to pop in and send some love and hellos to those that might stop by here. And share a commission piece that I actually finished at the beginning of this year. One of the quirkier pieces I've been asked to do, of two best friends. Hope you enjoy it!

Bunny love and hugs <3
~Brandi Marie

From Bravery to Rebirth

How do you sum up the hardest year of your life? How do you begin again? The fact that this is my first "oh, looky there- it's a new year" post and it's already past the mid-January mark might give you an idea of how capable I have been feeling of doing any of this.

I have been struggling to choose my word for 2012. In fact, I couldn't even remember what my word for 2011 was. Devastation? Heartbreak? I had to go back to my first post of 2011 to see. *Bravery* --I have to say this hit me like a sock to the gut. It was a year of bravery. Not in the ways I had anticipated when I wrote that blog post over a year ago. I think then I anticipated taking my art career to new levels, experiencing new adventures. In reality, it became a year of bravery in the face of tragedy. Bravery in getting up each morning knowing that I would look for my lost loves and find emptiness. Bravery in welcoming a new member into our family, when I was unsure if my heart could ever love enough again.

It was also the year I got dreadlocks, my first (and many other) tattoos, got my nose pierced, and did a fair bit of traveling. All of which I'm pretty sure would fall under the bravery category. But to be honest, it barely registered on my scale. In many ways, I think I was looking for a way to feel again. To feel anything other than heartache. Whether it was fear, physical pain, anxiety, or even a bit of joy. And in the grand scheme of things... do I feel that different because of these choices? No. I feel outwardly more aligned with who I am inwardly. And don't get me wrong, THAT is a good feeling. But inside, the shift I feel had nothing to do with the physical changes. Inside, I feel wounded, guilty, failing, and protective. I feel glimmers of hope interspersed with pangs of loss. Sadly, the loss always takes over.

May 2011 and November 2011. Same girl, warmer feet.

And yet the bravery continues with each morning when I choose to put my two feet on the floor, when I feed, care for, and love my babies, when I continue to add to my lost loves' shrines, when I paint those commissions, when I see friends, and when I find my way back to my yoga practice. And not surprisingly, this year I have struggled and struggled to find a new guiding word. A very long list has formed on my phone, and I thought I had narrowed it down to two words. But just yesterday, after taking my first yoga class since before Blackadder's death, I realized that the one that keeps coming up for me is the very first word I thought of when 2011 was coming to a close-- rebirth.

Winter Klimt Bunny

"Winter Klimt Bunny" 6"x6" on wood panel

Recently finished a little last minute Christmas commission based on my Klimt Bunny painting. The model for this painting was a gorgeous bunny named Thumper, who was adopted out by Magic Happens Rabbit Rescue not long after I first started volunteering there. She had the loveliest grey eyes that matched her fur perfectly. Such a treat to say hello to this girl again, even if only through my art.

Wouldn't they look pretty as a diptych? Of course the Winter Klimt Bunny has been flipped here.

And now after an insane day of varnishing, wrapping gifts, decorating, and finishing up a few hand made gifts-- I am officially off for Christmas! Time to bake some cookies and celebrate :)

Warm wishes and Happy Holidays to you all. I'm so grateful to each and every one of you who stop by to read my blog and support my art. Sending you many soft bunny hugs on this cold Winter night <3

Squam love, art love

"Saint Remy" acrylic on panel 11"x14"

Yesterday the new Squam website was unveiled, and I am so proud to share my Squam story there. I've blogged about what I went through this Summer, and what Squam means to me before... but it's so nice to have it all there, heart pinned on my sleeve. If you haven't yet, I'd love for you to check it out.

I don't have much to say, about one short week away from Christmas. Life is currently a flurry of commission deadlines, still attempting to get the house decorated for Christmas, sneaking in shopping and wrapping whenever I can find a moment, falling behind on answering voicemails for the rescue, and shamelessly fueling myself with sugar. I'm not sure if the busyness is for better or for worse, as though I feel overwhelmed-- when I do find a quiet moment, my heart aches for those we've lost this year that we can only hold so dearly in our hearts this Christmas. So I keep my hands in the paint and try to be present for those that need me, but it's no secret that my brain has been a bit scattered lately.

I thought it would be a good time to share some of the work I made at Squam this year, as well as one other little recent work. Some of you might have seen a couple of these already, but it recently occurred to me that I neglected to post them here. The one above of my beloved Remy, I have been planning to do since we adopted her. Somehow it always got pushed aside. But when our sweet girl passed away, I knew that it had to happen. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to work for months, but I finally got the chance to start it at Fall Squam. What better excuse to finally paint my girl then in a class called Painted Icons? I finished it up as soon as I got home, and it was actually the first painting in my style that I had done since losing Blackadder. It holds such a special place in my heart.

"Spirit, watching" mixed media on wood panel 12"x12"

This painting I did in Pixie Campbell's Back to the Wild class at Squam. It whispered to me about death, about acceptance, and about those that we carry with us.

"Guardian" acrylic on wood panel 6"x6"

And this is just a little one that I did for fun recently, on a small wood panel.

My heart seems to be in a constant flux between dwelling in the memories and hurts of the past, and dreaming of the future. I hope to find a little spot of present this holiday season, and I wish you all the same <3

White Light Night

Posing with my deer painting, "What We Lose". I really enjoyed this outfit!

The weekend before Thanksgiving, I participated in Baton Rouge's annual art hop, White Light Night. I was really hesitant to participate, having just shown at this location back in May and hardly having any new work due to my struggle with depression after such a hard summer. I ended up borrowing a few old paintings of mine (owned by friends and family) and showing some older, some shown before, and a couple of new pieces.

I think it's always hard to show old work, as artists we are continuously growing, learning, changing. But it was especially hard for me to present these older works at this moment, as I feel a real shift in my work happening (nothing I can go into detail about yet, but a very scary and exciting time for me).

Giving my purple pony painting some love.

Despite these feelings, I am so glad that I participated because, truly, we had quite a time! Not just art and delicious food, but live music, bellydancing, and (my favorite) a stunning fire performance! Not to mention, so so many wonderful conversations and moments with friends. A night to remember.

The Odyssey Project

Beautiful bellydancers!

My lovely friend, Lauren, doing her thing. She also performed this year at our annual Halloween party. A-mazing!

Things I could be doing, but am not...

Messy studio.

1. Getting ready to go to the movies. (Just not feeling it today. Sorry Dannie.) 2. Sketching a possible tattoo design for Daniel. (In honor of Supaiku.) 3. Making Christmas gifts for loved ones. 4. Painting (I was earlier, okay!) 5. Entering an art competition. 6. Cleaning the house (ha!) 7. Checking voice mails. 8. Filling out Christmas cards. 9. Uploading music and making a play list for my birthday party. 10. Backing up photos. 11. Updating my website. 12. Blogging. Scratch that! This counts, right?

Oh my! This is getting depressing. I am actually...

1. Daydreaming. 2. Scheming. 3. Procrastinating. (Too obvious?) 4. Eating licorice jelly beans. 5. Considering buying things on Etsy and/or Ebay. 6. Listening to "Winter Song" by Sarah Bareilles and Ingrid Michaelson. 7. Occasionally crying.

So tell me, do you find public shame to be a motivator? Yeah, me neither.

Portland, I miss you already

You were so good to us. Despite your cloudy days, despite that one suddenly rainy night, despite the freezing our arses off waiting for the bus time after time... we really do love you. Like a lot.


The best doughnuts, the best bookstore, endless vegetarian options everywhere, kick ass tattoo shops, and a beautiful girl who can whip my crazy dreads into shape in no time. This is why it's hard to answer the question, "Wait... why are you going to Portland again?"

Hmmm... so after feasting on a breakfast of delightful Voodoo themed doughnuts, I can stroll through aisle after aisle after floor after floor of beautiful new, used, and rare books?

Maybe for a little joint tattoo love by the awesome girls at New Rose Tattoo?

Oh wait, or was it so I could watch a $3 movie snuggled up to my husband on the coziest couch in a historic repurposed school, hours before catching a plane home...



Sigh.... I could go on. I could talk about the best veggie burger I've ever had, the random sculptures on the streets, the beautiful leaves changing colors set off agianst the myriad of evergreens.... and the dread lock love? Well, I'm pretty sure that deserves it's own post.


Apparantly, I just get to be a bi-city kind of girl. Portland, I raise this butterscotch milkshake to you.